Sunday, February 24, 2013

OMFG TCITR!

Salinger was awesome because he was a soldier in a war! And he wrote a book about a kid with problems. AT LEAST HE FOUGHT IN A WAR JUST LIKE TOLKIEN! This is probably the closest we get to Tolkein. So keep your fingers crossed that this guy will be awesome. Oh wait. HE IS! He wrote a great book. I love TCITR! Especially the hunting cap. It's a sign of hope! LIKE THE GREEN LIGHT!

Holden loves his cap. It's his lucky thing that he wears whenever he does something risky or dangerous or amazing or sexy OR WHATEVER. Just he wears the cap to block his grey shame.

Yes, he has grey shame. Like a lot of other old men. EXCEPT HE ISN'T OLD HE'S LIKE 16 YEARS OLD OH MY GOD WHY DOES HE HAVE GREY SHAME PLEASE TELL ME NOW GREY SHAME GREY SHAME AAH.

Sorry about that. Ok, end of this part of the post! See you tomorrow!

Should we make a movie of The Catcher In The Rye? I don't think so, I don't like movies. Movies suck! Just kidding, just The Catcher In The Rye, Movie Version? Really? Find something more original, like when that bear entered the short pipe where he died and sucked my blood.

And that's how Polar Bears were invented. When Bears Turn Into Vampires And Become Pale.

Holden has a nice, cute, whatever, it's his sister. SHE HAS RED HAIR, BLUSHED CHEEKS AND LOVES TO RIDE CAROUSELS! CALL NOW IF YOU WANT TO MEET AND GREET HER! 999 999 999 999 999 1337 999 55

Nobody empathizes Holden. Holden isn't heard! Poor Holden, better go buy him a MEGAPHONE! We should get him a megaphone!

I wonder if that carousel was dangerous? Right, carousels are dangerous, if they explode, then everyone on it goes flying into buildings and cars and basketball hoops and that kind of thing.


The Catcher In The Rye is fun! I like Holden Caulfield's cap! It's a weird, great story! WHAT MORE IS THERE TO SAY! But I still got so many days to talk about it, and that's very bad, as I want to talk about something other than Holden Caulfield and his Sister and OMFG Catcher In The Rye and CRAP!

Poems are written on gloves! I love writing poems on gloves, but this is kind of going too far! I want something else than The Catcher In The Rye! Oh and there's a freaking spider on my computer screen please don't jump on meklahvjc ghjdhf

Okay, that was crazy. Sorry for the short Spider Jumping on my F@#KING FACE, let's talk more about The Catcher In The Rye!

OH WAIT, we're out of time, sorry! So subscribe, give this blog a like and whatever! Goodbye, and see you next time!


Not enough death in The Catcher In The Rye! I actually got the book, but the version I got is tiny! Like the size of an adult heart! No offense hearts, you're still awesome at sustaining life and that kind of thing because your'e awesome! Please don't give me a heart attack UR-

Ok, that went swell! Actually, it went horrible. Stupid. Stupid heart stopping on me in the middle of the post. I was just kidding heart. Come on, can't you take a joke?! No? Well ok, you're gonna get surgically extracted when I have enough money to do that!

More on TCINR! That's the acronym TCINR! Actually, since I got a minimum words of 150, then maybe I should say The Catcher In The Rye! That was actually very clever of me, to do something so nice, amazing and cool.

Holden, Y U so scared of growing up?!


Salinger married so many women about 10 years younger than him, which is both weird and pervertive. Just kidding, because pervertive isn't a wooooord! OH NOES! I'm gonna make it a word! IT IS A WORD NOW I TORE OUT PERVERT AND PUT A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER AND THEN I WROTE PERVERTING 1: A GUY ADDICTED TO SEXY STUFF!

Salinger is so creepy. And he hates the goddamn movies. I also hate the goddamn movies. We all hate the goddamn movies. Well, except for normal, sane people. I actually do like the goddamn movies. I love the goddamn movies. It's really weird how Holden calls it The Goddamn Movies.

Salinger didn't want to be famous. Which is sad, because it's awesome to be famous. He'd be pretty pissed if you called him with his phone number, and don't even think about knocking on his door. He hates public. Sad.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Catchar in zee rye!

CATCHER IN THE RYYYYE! ABOUT HOLDEN CAULFIELD NOT BEING A PHONY BECAUSE, HE ALWAYS PUTS COMMAS, LIKE, IN THE WRONG, PLACES.

Holden was a great guy, but he just couldn't get his, commas right. Eh?

He's also afraid of becoming an adult, because of the, Sexy Sexy world in front, of him.

Oh, and sidenote: I will be copying Holden by putting commas, in the wrong, places.

Sad, really. Very, sad.

Holden Caulfield was scared of SEEEX! I don't even know if I'm spelling Caulfield, right.

So help me, if you can. If you, can, then please say so in the comments.

Holden doesn't really go anywhere, he's just going around, paying a prostitute to not have sex with him, talking about stuff, ETC!

Yeah, I really, gotta stop it with, the bad commas.

They stop here! So that was my Holden imitation. Not very good I suppose, I never read the book.

We should talk about Holden in a better way. He has a youtube account!

Are you unlikeable? Yes and no. We are all unlikeable. And likeable too! Just to different people. Like I eat meat! I've been to a farm where we clip the cow's number onto their ears! I've done that! So PETA thinks I'm unlikeable. But other normal people think I'm likeable! My friends think I'm likeable! Everyone else that's normal, usual and not crazy thinks I'm normal!!! Sorry, got a little carried away there. So right now, I've offended, like all of the PETA people, all Vegetarians and all Vegans. Sorry guys, it's just that to me, you're unlikeable.

Now, Holden was unlikeable. AND LIKEABLE! What do you think about him? Was he a phony or an absolute genius. Whatever you think, keep it to yourself, no flamewars in the comments. Comments that might start a flamewar will instantly be deleted on sight.

The Catcher In The Rye is Adult-Themed. That's why it's usually banned in schools. Because it's got prostitutes, fighting and some other kind of awesome adult stuffs. Adult-themed content is awesome. But mind you that The Catcher In The Rye is still a great book. Do read it. Just remember that it won't appear in any of your essays. Maybe TGG, but not TCITR. So read it for fun! But not as a school project.

Oh, and Looking For Alaska was also banned in a school! Oh no! You're mistaken! John Green isn't a pornographer! Please don't accuse him of that kind of stuff! LFA has been pardoned now. Yay.

The Catcher In The Rye does have a lot of adults in it. Holden decides to go around asking people about his problems and how to fix them. The guys asked don't really care. But the Prostitute wanted to be payed extra and got her pimp to give Holden a punch in de face.

The Catcher In The Rye is mostly peaceful, no death or that kind of stuff. It's just a guy who's troubled about his turn to adulthood, with his awesome-looking red hunting cap that I want. Holden, I'm going to get your hunting cap one way or the other. I'll either pay you 1000 bucks or I'll knock you out and steal your hat. No offense to anyone named Holden. I'm talking about Holden Caulfield.

I mean, pretty much no death. Well, maybe some dead people. I'm not sure, haven't read it. Go read it to find out If I'm right or rong and If I spelled rong rong. Because I did.

But remember, this stuff is rated M for Mature. M M M M M M M M M M FOR MATURE!

So don't read it if you're like 12 years old, writing a blog, being awesome and that kind of stuffs. Goodbye!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Was Gatsby Great! WILL IT EVER BE ENOUGH? WILL YOUR CONSTANT WANTING KILL US ALL? Read on...

WAS GATSBY GREAT? I will never know, but your opinion is always welcome in the comments. SOMEONE PLEASE COMMENT.

A carefree world isn't really what it seems to be. You will never be ridden of your cares, because even in a carefree world, you will still care. You might care about a random thing that doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter what you care about, all that matters is that you care! Oh, and Spendthrift Billionares? IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH! YOUR CONSTANT WANTING IS GOING TO KILL US ALL.

The moral of that short sentence? It will never be enough, and your constant wanting is going to kill us all (eventually)

Even if we find everything about Earth, the scientists will start going crazy and ask: "WAT DA HECK IS ON MARS?! WE GOTTA COLONIZE MARS PEOPLE!"

And then we start sending innocents to Mars so they can colonize it but they die on the way of sickness or hunger or etc!

They'll keep sending people until everyone is gone from this world except the scientists! AND THEN THEY'LL SEND THEMSELVES! And they'll die too. And that, friends, is my theory of human extinction.

So that was how humans will eventually become extinct. Our constant wanting will really kill us all someday. Maybe in not our way, but in another way.

Like when we invent everything, we want more! So we'll invent something we have never invented (even though we've invented everything), create a paradox that will create a black hole that will kill all of the species in The Solar System.

There are so many ways that we could kill ourselves! So that's why in the end, The American Dream will kill us all.

Oh, and by the way, Gatsby wants to restore the past. But that is sadly impossible.

Gatsby never drank liquor. Good man. Only his guests drank liquor. That's why they were kinda daft. They were DRUNK! And brave! So they started to mock Gatsby. And what did he do? Nothing. Good guy Gatsby. Very good guy Gatsby. He's my role model.

Most of Gatsby's friends are careless. Daisy, Nicky, And all the rich rest. All careless! THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU GATSBY!

Gatsby turned out alright in the end. It was what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams. He was a great man. But great people must be careful or else they might be KILLED!

The whole story is kinda sad. It means that it will never be enough. WHEN WILL IT BE ENOUGH? Never. Sad, really. If we could do better- No wait. We can't.

Life is hard. We can do life the hard way or- Wait, no, sorry, there's just the hard way.

Life is also fun! We can do life the fun way or the boring way. Yes, you can make it boring. Sorry boring people, but your lives will be as boring as a can made out of boring filled with concentrated boring that was compressed by boring.

So, what would you like to know about Gatsby? WHAT? Brain, I trusted you! You don't know anything more about Gatsby! I WANT MORE GATSBY! Well, you see, I was following the American Dream a little there. Kinda sad. But everyone wants to follow the American Dream... WHY IS IT EVEN CALLED THE AMERICAN DREAM? Why can't it be the Japanese Dream? Or the Martian Dream? Time will tell. Or maybe it's because the Americans invented it. And that's why I don't follow the American dream. Because it's for Americans only. Nah, Just Kidding! Everyone follows the American Dream!

Even Buddha! In his early years. OLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

It's natural to follow the American Dream. But if you're a Buddhist, resist! It's wrong! ALL LIFE IS SUFFERING THE SOURCE OF SUFFERING IS DESIRE TO STOP DESIRE FOLLOW THE EIGHTFOLD PATH!

There's a lot of death in the later parts of TGG. That's why I don't want to be included in the story!

The characters in the GG are not terribly likeable. Some of them get what they deserve, some don't. Like Daisy. And Nicky.

Hank is a killer! HE KILLED A MAN! WITH YOUTUBE VIDEOS. Unlike Gatsby, Gatsby got shot. Gracefully. Once he got shot, he did a double-backflip and landed in the pool with a faint "plop" It was awesome. AHAHAHAHAHA!

Is there a god? Well, I can tell you one thing. This is probably not related to this in any way. But it might be! As Gatsby was killed, if he turned into a camel and attempted to fit through the eye of a needle, then God is real. But don't believe those lies. Jesus is right about some things, but he definitely was wrong about the world ending. As long as you are faithful and nice, God (If he is real, probably is.) will save your soul! Sorry Atheists, you go to hell forever.

NOW GOODBYE! FOREVER!

Sunday, February 3, 2013

The Great Gatsby

It is time for Gatsby! All of  you who liked it begin to read now!

The Great Gatsby seems pretty lame. But it's a pretty good book!

The story is about a rich guy (Mr. Gatsby) who got all of his money in a underground way. Something bad happens, and he gets shot. That's all I know.

So it's considered that The Great Gatsby was Fitzergald's greatest work.

The whole book is narrated by a character called Nick. Nicky! NICHOLAS! I'll see you in L4D2, Nick!

Oh, and by the way, the pupils of the face on the cover of TGG are actually naked people. Take a closer look! I don't know why, you tell me! No wait, scratch that, don't tell me.

I bet you're all excited for TGG so I'm going to prepare a feast! Cheese for everyone! Wait, scratch that. Cheese for no one. That can be a celebration, if you don't like cheese, right?

Gatsby is about the American Dream and how you will never reach it. Seriously. I give you arm extensions, you still can't reach it. Because you'll always want more. AND MORE. AND MOAR.... moar...... Moar...... MOOOOOAR!

Which is exactly what Buddha advises against. ALL LIFE IS SUFFERING THE SOURCE OF SUFFERING IS DESIRE TO STOP SUFFERING STOP DESIRING. Sadly, we cannot stop desiring. We want Girlfriends. We want money! WE WANT A NEW CAR! WE WANT A NEW HOUSE! WE WANT A NEW GAME OR THAT MATTER! WE WANT NEW HATS! 私たちは、より多くの外国人スタッフがしたい! それはクレイジーなの!  It's really sad. We can't ever stop desiring.

In fact, Gatsby wants more. Once he wins a woman's heart, he wants her to deny that she ever loved whoever else she loved. In this case, her Husband. I wonder if they divorced, or if she's just cheating on him. I didn't read it all. SO GOODBYE! SEE YOU NEXT TIEM!

Well, having a bad day. But Gatsby had a worse story in his book. In the end, he gets shot in a pool! NO BLOOD IN THE POOL IT'LL BE SO HARD TO CLEAN owait the owner is ded so that's fine. Just demolish the house.

So the guy who shoots Gatsby shoots himself after. Why? Because he was FRAMED! Gatsby was framed for the death of the guy's wife!

Dangit Daisy.

Gatsby turned out alright in the end. He was my favorite character. Rich, underground and LOL!

Gatsby never gave up on love! Horray! But in the end that turns into the end of him! SO LOVE WILL KILL YOU! WE HAVE LEARNED THAT FROM BOTH GATSBY AND ROMEO!

The guy who shot Gatsby was not your usual asshat. He was one of the worst asshats in the history of asshats. Like Bethesda when they made Skyrim. In Dec 2011 Bethesda was a total asshat.

Horray for rich people! Nah. I don't really care how rich you are, but if you read my blog, you got my attention.

Gastby loves Daisy. But she's married! Why would you love a married person. So yeah, that's a big hurdle that Gatsby has to jump over in the story.

In the end, Gatsby gets Daisy, but soon after he gets shot.

So there's a lot going on. I can't even describe everything that's going on. Except that Gatsby has an annoying habit of saying "Old Sport" all of the time.

Gatsby is charming. And he throws the best parties at the West Egg. The parties at the East Egg aren't as crazy and awesome as the ones at the west egg.

Upon an area hard to reach,
the East Party sits upon his Egg.
Upon the west egg sits the West Party.
Each Egg Party thinks it's the best Party.

Which party is best?...Well, I thought at first
that the East was best and the West was worst.
Then I looked again from the west to the east
and I liked the party on the east egg least.

Garena Plus is awesome! I LOVE IT! But we be talkin' bout GG right now.

Once upon a time, there were 2 rich parties. And the west was the best and the east I liked least. So then some things happen, Daisy runs over someone's wife, puts the blame on Gatsby, G gets shot, DA EEEEND!

So that's a short summary.

I don't even know much about GG, but this is the (second to) last time we talk about it! So please do not bug me! I cannot write forever! I CAN'T! I am also racist against people in giant robotic suits. Small ones are OK, but big ones....

Nah.

Gatsby got all of his money in an underground way, yo. You better stand out of his way, dawg, or you will be pwned by his idiot guards. Gatsby is soooooo underground, don't mess with him.

He got all his money in an underground way. Soooooo underground.